Confession- Being healthy is EXHAUSTING! Oh how I want to just give up sometimes because it is so much easier sitting on the couch and eating my 2 cases of potato chips that I get from my neighbor (no really he gives me 1-2 boxes full once a month, but that's story for another day). I don't even want to get into eating right since I just confessed to my chip obsession, but even that aside...it is SO much easier to go out for pizza, or order a burger and greasy fries than eating a salad. It's so much easier to stay up watching series on Netflix all night and sleeping in the next morning than getting adequate rest. It is SOOOOOO much easier to be on my phone, tablet, or laptop on Facebook or Pinterest instead of working out, going out side, or moving.....some of you know what I'm talking about.
BUT.....
If I worked out and got healthier, then it would be so much easier to play an endless game of tag with my daughter, so much easier to take her on walks longer than around the block, take her on bike rides, on hikes, and well so much more.
Truth is I seriously envy moms who are able to do all those things without a second of hesitation. I really love my daughter and I want to be able to do things with her not sit on the sidelines because I'm too tired. I don't want to have to tell her anymore that I need a a few minutes to catch my breath. I'm tired of not being a good enough mom to give her all those things that she so badly wants to do. It literally makes me cry when I stop and really think about all the things I could be doing with her if I could just get over "its too hard".
Today I just needed to say I'm holding myself accountable. I have no more excuses. I will continue to push through the pain no matter how badly I feel like I want to give up. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my family. They are the reason I get up every day and they are the reason I have to live life to the fullest. I can do this, I will be strong and if I fall I will get back up and try again.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Eleven In Heaven
Today I wake in quite a huff
Over some loud construction stuff.
Hoping that my girl will not wake wake,
Couldn't they be quiet, for goodness sake.
Then remember,
Today you would have been eleven.
Today you celebrate in Heaven.
I forgot for one simple minute
That in our world, you aren't in it.
I feel guilt beyond belief
I can never feel relief.
I know I should, but it doesn't seem right
To continue on each day in this life.
It doesn't really seem fair,
That you're up there, we're down here.
Then I remember,
You're in the best place you could be
In that home that is so heavenly.
In place surrounded by those we love
Who have already passed on up above.
Most of all you have the Son and Father
Who care for you more than any other.
So I will not sit, cry and whimper
About the things I should have remembered.
I'll will rejoice and feel joy
For you were a very special boy.
Today I woke in quite a huff
Over some really silly stuff,
Today I'll not forget you'd be eleven.
I'll remember, I'll see you in Heaven.
Our very special boy, Devin.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Quick Update On My Health!
Okay no confession or truth tonight is all TRUTH! So I'm pleased, but not ecstatic, to announce I've lost 8 pounds since I've started working out. Its like 4 lbs a month, but I'll take it. I may have not lost a lot of weight, but I feel better, and a little more energy AND I can button my pants up without having to lay on the bed and suck it in! I probably would have been more successful if I wouldn't have fallen off the band wagon for a few weeks because I got sick, but who cares I'm back. Hoping I can keep it up!
Friday, August 9, 2013
Praises to My Husband
A few weeks ago, I celebrated 8 years of marriage. While on facebook (sounds good right?) I saw him reply to a post and started thinking about how amazing he was, and that I don't give him a lot of recognition. So tonight's truth and confession post is for him. I hope he does not get too embarrassed or upset with me writing about him, and if he does end up reading this I'm sure he'll be correcting all my grammar failures in his head (some of you know exactly what I'm talking about ha ha)
Truth- I love my husband more than myself.
Confession- The reasons why I love him today have certainly changed from the day we met.
So here's a run down of our relationship. We met our senior year of high school, hung out a couple times, went on a date, and like a lot of high school kids we became a couple pretty quick. He was sweet, gave me flowers and cards and always said really nice things to me. A true gentleman which is hard to find in a young man now days. That was it, I was head over heals for him, and I'd like to think he was for me. We married a year out of high school, against what everyone else around us thought, including our religion. Also against another standard practice in faith and culture, we had loads of fun for 5 years just the two of us. Then we pregnant and now have had loads of different fun with our sweet girl.
Do I have any regrets about getting married so long or not having children right away. Absolutely not. Those first 5 years we were young and could do whatever we wanted, and we did. It was the best thing ever. I had a chance to really get to know my husband, without the worries of what our peers or parents thought. It wasn't all roses and sunshine, after a short while I stopped getting showered with gifts and praises. My husband had a wife who wouldn't leave his side (which I'm sure was more than annoying). We fought, said things we regret and then made up. The great thing about our first 5 years was we learned so much from our arguments and mistakes that now with our daughter our arguments don't come as often and we cool down faster. I speak for myself, but by knowing my husband better I know how to avoid frivolous arguments whereas I didn't early on.
Okay so back to the reasons why I love him and how they have changed. When we were dating, at 17-18 and even our early years of marriage, it was all about the romance. I'm not sure if it was just the raging hormones of a teenager or what but all I knew is that I loved this guy, I couldn't write our names in my notebook enough times and I was going to marry him one day. Now days, our romance is not flowers and cards but the times we are laying in bed and can't stop laughing at each other. Those moments when unexpectedly he does something unexpected to help me out because I haven't felt well or haven't had the time. The time he looks past the messy house and the late dinner because I just wanted to be lazy. Things as simple as a smile or a glance in my direction. These are the most precious gifts to me because I know that he cares about me.
Over the past eight years I have watch my husband change in a way that maybe only I have seen. I don't even know if he sees it in himself. He has become one of the most open, understanding, wise and truthful people that I have ever met. He has been a huge example to me of bringing about fairness to others. He has become a person who rarely judges others and embraces the fact that other people might just have a different opinion than his own. He has become a person who is not embarrassed to speak the truth regardless of the outcome. He has opened my eyes to the world and things I would have never learned on my own.
He is not the boy I married 8 years ago but the man that I honestly love today. He truly is my better half and I know he was in God's plan for me. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough to really deserve such a great man as he, but I am proud to be called his wife.
Truth- I love my husband more than myself.
Confession- The reasons why I love him today have certainly changed from the day we met.
So here's a run down of our relationship. We met our senior year of high school, hung out a couple times, went on a date, and like a lot of high school kids we became a couple pretty quick. He was sweet, gave me flowers and cards and always said really nice things to me. A true gentleman which is hard to find in a young man now days. That was it, I was head over heals for him, and I'd like to think he was for me. We married a year out of high school, against what everyone else around us thought, including our religion. Also against another standard practice in faith and culture, we had loads of fun for 5 years just the two of us. Then we pregnant and now have had loads of different fun with our sweet girl.
Do I have any regrets about getting married so long or not having children right away. Absolutely not. Those first 5 years we were young and could do whatever we wanted, and we did. It was the best thing ever. I had a chance to really get to know my husband, without the worries of what our peers or parents thought. It wasn't all roses and sunshine, after a short while I stopped getting showered with gifts and praises. My husband had a wife who wouldn't leave his side (which I'm sure was more than annoying). We fought, said things we regret and then made up. The great thing about our first 5 years was we learned so much from our arguments and mistakes that now with our daughter our arguments don't come as often and we cool down faster. I speak for myself, but by knowing my husband better I know how to avoid frivolous arguments whereas I didn't early on.
Okay so back to the reasons why I love him and how they have changed. When we were dating, at 17-18 and even our early years of marriage, it was all about the romance. I'm not sure if it was just the raging hormones of a teenager or what but all I knew is that I loved this guy, I couldn't write our names in my notebook enough times and I was going to marry him one day. Now days, our romance is not flowers and cards but the times we are laying in bed and can't stop laughing at each other. Those moments when unexpectedly he does something unexpected to help me out because I haven't felt well or haven't had the time. The time he looks past the messy house and the late dinner because I just wanted to be lazy. Things as simple as a smile or a glance in my direction. These are the most precious gifts to me because I know that he cares about me.
Over the past eight years I have watch my husband change in a way that maybe only I have seen. I don't even know if he sees it in himself. He has become one of the most open, understanding, wise and truthful people that I have ever met. He has been a huge example to me of bringing about fairness to others. He has become a person who rarely judges others and embraces the fact that other people might just have a different opinion than his own. He has become a person who is not embarrassed to speak the truth regardless of the outcome. He has opened my eyes to the world and things I would have never learned on my own.
He is not the boy I married 8 years ago but the man that I honestly love today. He truly is my better half and I know he was in God's plan for me. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough to really deserve such a great man as he, but I am proud to be called his wife.
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